SB Tunes: Donna Summer

It has been a sad couple weeks here at SB headquarters. First MCA dies, and now Donna Summer?

Too much, my friends. Too much.

Donna had SO MANY hits – songs you don’t even know live under your skin, that get your shoulders quaking and your booty shaking within the first couple notes.

She was innovative and talented, elevating disco and setting the stage for electronic dance music. And she always looked as glamorous as the day is long. She was the swan of the dance floor.

Disco Queen and Spectacular Bitch: hope they’ve got a big ol’ sparkly disco ball where you are now. Rest in peace.

Photo credit: Michael Putland – Getty Images

Ask the SB: White or Yellow Gold for Engagement Ring

Q: Dear Spectacular,
I’m planning on popping the question to my girlfriend. While I have found a ring that I like, I’m not sure whether to go white or yellow gold. Here is the ring. I know that she prefers white mostly, but I think that this ring looks better in yellow. White would be the safer choice, but I’m a bit of a gambler. Thoughts?
–Dan

A: Listen Kenny Rogers, what’s this about finding a ring YOU like? The hubris, Dan! The hubris! You need to find a ring that SHE likes, and for that task, I highly recommend the she.

It’s a fact of nature that it’s extraordinarily difficult for heterosexual men to choose clothes and jewelry for women. Try as they might, they are rarely successful. Based on your ring choice and impending engagement, I’m going to guess you aren’t nearly gay enough to attempt a solo engagement ring pick. The band alone that you have chosen is incredibly bold – she may adore it, or she may hate it.

Go shopping with your lady and let her show you exactly what she likes and then go back and buy her exactly what she likes. Enough with the ‘she likes white but yellow looks better’ business. It’s going to be on her finger for a very long time, so she should have a say – the whole say, if you ask me.

I’m not here to ruin all the fun, doll, really I’m not. The when and how of it all is up to you. Surprise her, take her breath away. I’m confident you will make it lovely and fun and perfect. Mazel tov, Dan! Enjoy this heady time!

Much love,

SB

Vogue Olympics

I’m so excited to get my June issue of Vogue! It features a photo spread shot by Bruce Webber of some of our bodacious, beautiful and brawny female American athletes. If you can’t wait, like I can’t wait, you can see the spread here.

Look at gymnast, Alexandra Raisman, in flight. She’s breathtaking. And wait till you see sexy kicker, Sydney Leroux. Sheesh! She may have me rethinking my position on tattoos.

Can you say GIRL POWER?

Photo credit: Bruce Webber for Vogue

Not a Fan: Dolce and Gabbana Pasta Earrings

I like whimsy and pasta as much as the next girl, but I just can’t get behind these bow tie pasta danglers made out of resin.

They retail for $490.00, but I know a local pre-school where I could get something similar for free.

Not a fan.

Happy Mother’s Day

Cheers to all the mamas out there, who tied our shoes, braided our hair and taught us how to act like a lady.

Our mothers are our first and most important fashion mentors. Thank you for letting us play with your make up and clomp around in your heels.

Happy happy day!

SB Tunes: Kimbra

Since we’re having a bit of Australian week here, what with the glitter britches and Sidney Fashion Week, I’m feeling Kimbra for today’s SB Tunes. Ok, I know she’s from New Zealand, but close enough, no?

This girl can rock a frock like no other. No amount of ruffles, ruching, color, mesh, pom poms, puffiness, lace, pattern, sequins, paillettes, tulle, draping, asymmetry, fruit or Bo-peepness seems to phase her and she always pulls it off. She is a quintessential dress girl, and it makes me a little bit, no, A LOT jealous.

If you like her here, check her out Live at Sing Sing. She’s got a glammy retro sultry voice thing going and I think she’s just lovely.

Enjoy Cameo Lover. And just know that I would do unspeakable things for that pink dress with the pom poms.

Legs Astride, Arms Akimbo

In my youth I stumbled upon these four words, arranged in just this way and I fell head over heels. Legs astride, arms akimbo. It’s like hilarious poetry.

Somehow, by using special words . . . better words, regular ‘legs apart with hands on hips’ conjures something ways more interesting: a handsome cowboy squinting into the sunset before turning around and casting a long shadow over Delila Mae’s bent form as she fusses over her okra patch. She feels his blue eyes on her neck like the touch of his cool fingers. She looks up through a curtain of lashes and there he is, standing legs astride, arms akimbo. As if in a dream, she rises slowly, straightens her skirt and falls into his powerful, trembling embrace . . . Right? RIGHT?

But that has nothing to do with anything. What I’m really here to report is that Harvard social psychologist, Amy Cuddy, has found that legs astride, arms akimbo is a really good way for women to stand. It not only connotes power to those around you, it tricks your brain into feeling powerful too.

In short, according to the snippet I read in Wired Magazine, taking up more space (e.g. arms over chair backs, feet on desks) makes a person exude confidence both because of how it’s perceived, but also due to real chemical changes in the brain that make you feel more confident.

This study dovetails brilliantly with one of the most important SB Tenets of all – stand up straight!!! Listen to your mother and throw those shoulders back. Good posture is EVERY THING. It doesn’t matter what you have on, if you don’t have good posture.

And if you’re feeling it, stand legs astride, arms akimbo and think of that brawny Jeremiah, tilling the soil, down on his knees, his muscular forearms covered in sweat . . . just waiting for a word.

Dude! What’s with the Bangs?

It seems as if bluntly bobbed brunettes have a penchant for music making. Or is it the other way around? Curious, isn’t it?

Clockwise from upper left: Sarah Bartel of Phantogram, Katy Perry, The Dum Dum Girls, Jesse J, Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Alexis Krauss of Sleigh Bells and Kimbra.

You may see many of these ladies featured in my Friday SB Tunes in future weeks.

And for the record, SB likes a good bang.

Ask the SB: Glitter Britches

Q: Hey SB – I am currently living in OZ and have seen some very strange fashion trends here.  For the morst part I am adept at deciphering what is spectacular and what should never make its way back north of the equator, but these glitter britches have me all twisted up inside. Part of me wants to laugh at the thought of my SB wearing these and the other side wants to rush out and UPS her a pair so that she can be in them when we meet again. Thanks.

–Me likes shiny

A: Oh, Me likes shiny! Me likes shiny too! First off, thanks for teaching me a bit of Australian slang. Hope you’re enjoying your time down under, in er, ahem, OZ. Who knew? I sure didn’t. I had to look it up.

Second of all, I must admit that I suffered minor heart palpitations as I waited for the glitter britches website to load, because what could possibly be more magical than GLITTER BRITCHES FROM OZ?

I know it must be taxing to live upside down and that may have led to your confusion with regard to glitter britches, but here’s a tip: when in doubt, look at the models. JC Penny’s models look different than Valentino models for a reason. 

The glitter britches models are your best indicator of the kind of lady who would slip on a pair of glitter britches and to my eye, these ladies look like they could kick some serious ass. If I were a roller derby chic, I would definitely be ordering a pair right now.

In answer to your query, Me likes shiny, I’m not sure you need to choose between laughing at the glitter britches and buying the glitter britches. Why not do both? Something tells me your SB would laugh at them too. Which is not to say she might not put them on for you . . . for, you know, a laugh.

Despite the seductive name, the “reinforced crotch and bum seams,” the fact that they’re a clever kickstarter and the dazzling array of shiny glittery colors, I have my reservations about the fabric: 4 way stretch spandex is not my favorite – for anything, really.

In any event, good on ya for for being in touch with your glittery innards. That takes a real man, you know.

Besos,

SB
 

Levis x Korea National Ballet = Love

Check out this gorgeous commercial for Levis featuring two dancers from the Korea National Ballet. I am utterly charmed by this. Ballet in jeans is even better than ballet in tights. Go figure. 

Flights of Fancy: Alexander McQueen Feather Dress

There is nothing on this earth I would rather put on my body right now than this dress. I have an ostrich feather boa and I happen to know that those feathers move with a mind of their own – like sea anemones. This dress is my boa times a million, so imagine what this dress would do when you walked.

I would opt out of the robo-granny eye shades and wear the rest of this crazy fabulous ensemble to the supermarket, where I would sashay up and down the aisles feeling the power of the plumage.

SB Loves: Sports Jersey Dresses

With the Olympics right around the corner and the likes of Stella McCartney and Ralph Lauren designing the official uniforms for Great Britain and the U.S., respectively, it’s no mystery there’s a sportiness factor seeping into fashion.

Check out model/blogger, Alexandra Spencer’s, hockey jersey and electric blue heels. How chic. Due to the high degree of difficulty of this look, however, it’s best to approach with caution. The sports jersey dress is a cheese sombrero and one too many beers away from this.

Photo credit: Tommy Ton for Style.com

Happy Cinco de Mayo

Put on a swirly skirt and some bright red lipstick, make a pitcher of margaritas and find some way, some how to dance those cute sandals across a cool tile floor. Just try not to fall into that potted palm in the corner.

Amigas! Viva la revolución!

Photo credit: Nicole Bentley for Vogue Australia

SB Tunes: Stevie Nicks

The first time I watched this seemingly impromptu video of Wild Heart, I thought Stevie’s make-up artist was harmonizing with her – which would have been hilarious and awesome.

On second look, there’s a woman on the right who jumps in to back her up. The make-up woman has to stop and let Stevie sing it out.

Magic.

Though she later became known for the kind of outfits that look best in high winds or at seances, she looks young and fresh and simple here. And she is one of the few women who can totally pull off a top hat.

Through the drama and the drugs, Stevie managed to stay true to her sartorial point of view and you could always count on her for a lot of hair and a lot of sleeve.

I love her. Blame it on my wild heart.

SB Begrudgingly Loves Prints

If you were to ask me whether or not I gravitate toward prints, my instant response would be a resounding no.

But that answer would, in fact, be utter bullshit. One look at my closet belies the notion that I’m all about understated and elegant solids.

Turns out, I tolerate florals, like plaids, love Chinoiserie and worship polka-dots (white on navy, if you must know).

This article in the NY Times Style Magazine posits that prints make us happy because they hearken back to a simpler time. But also, that prints can be polarizing –  you either love them or hate them.

It does not explain, however, why I think I hate them, but secretly love them.

Becks and Posh Caught on Kiss Cam

Look! It’s my old pals at a Lakers game.

Cute.

Ask the SB: Sunglasses

Q: Glad to see your own site up and running. It is long overdue. My girlfriend has dropped subtle hints about wanting new sunglasses: “it sure has been unseasonably sunny out,” or “oh, aren’t her sunglasses cute?” etc.

Alright, I get it. You want new sunglasses. Being the man I am, I took a more direct approach and asked her what type of sunglasses she would like. She said wayfarers. I feel like wayfarers are a little overplayed as of late. Should I follow the MB convention and go with something from Allyn Scura? What do you recommend?

Thanks for your assistance,
–Spencer

A: Spencer, doll, I must admit I never understood MB’s fascination with buying sunglasses he couldn’t try on first. However, since any friend of his is a friend of mine, I poked around the Allyn Scura site and discovered: a) they have lots of cool sunglasses at very reasonable prices, and b) they have a 14 day return policy. So yes, do go with Allyn Scura if you’re an on-line shopping kind of guy.

Having said that, if you feel like you have the patience for it, I would suggest you take your lady love sunglasses shopping and then to lunch – preferably somewhere sunny with outdoor seating.

Fact: it’s fun to try on sunglasses. And even more fun if you have an audience – someone with a good eye and good taste. After all, you’re the one who’s going to have to look at them. Once they’re on her face, she’ll have no idea that they make her look like an insect or a crazy woman.

As for wayfarers, I agree that they are ubiquitous but I don’t think they could ever be played out. They are a classic. Like an aviator. Like a Jackie O.

Incidentally, women tend to fall into one of two categories regarding sunglasses (and glasses for that matter): Is she a plastic frame or wire frame gal? I suspect the former, but you’ll soon find out. You can wear both, but one will always feel better.

For the record, I am an aviator girl – so wire frames for me, almost always, except for sometimes.

Good luck and consider a cocktail before you go shopping. It’ll be fun.

xo,
SB

Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina

The truth is, I never left you. All through my wild days, my mad existence. I kept my promise. Don’t keep your distance.

Mis tesoros,

Any country whose White House is a Pink House, is high on the SB scale. Argentina is one sexy, louche and complicated Spectacular Bitch, and I’m going full immersion for one whole week.

Buenos Aires, baby.

I plan to spend my time drinking vino, eating beef, taking siestas and people watching from sidewalk cafes. And as I always do when I return to my motherland, I will look at the girls and wonder how I would be different if I had grown up where I was born.

I will imagine a whole parallel existence à la Sliding Doors and I will be tempted to shred my return ticket into a million tiny pieces and feed it to the pigeons in the plaza.

But I won’t.

See you on the flip.

SB Tunes: Cat Power

Cat Power has a voice like molasses – it oozes, slow, sticky and sweet. Not only does she sound like she’s lived in bars and danced on tables, she looks it. But in a good way.

She puts the bang in a bang – and works the cooly disheveled afternoon-in-bed hair like nobody’s business. She’s done her bit of hard living. She’s been careless with her beauty, and yet . . .

She hasn’t released anything in a few years, so I’d like to think she’s just holed up in an apartment in Paris with her man, smoking cigarettes and scratching new songs into a notebook.

Come on Cat. Give us a little more love, girl.

Enjoy Lived In Bars.

SB Loves Bob Marley

I do. His music feels as good as a cold beer, sun on bare shoulders and dancing in the sand. Slow and easy, now.

This documentary, by Kevin MacDonald, to be released later this month looks dynamite. And who doesn’t want to look at that face for an hour and a half.

Stir it up, little darling,
stir it up.

Gratuitous Hotness

Well, helloooo there, adorable men laughing in tuxes. Hoooooo weeeee. This a-make-a da ladybird sing.

Enjoy Robert Downey Jr., Hugh Jackman and Sting from my fave tumblr, Awesome People Hanging Out Together.

Note to the fellas out there. For what it’s worth, it’s hard to look manly holding a martini glass – although Hugh and Sting are putting in a fine effort. Just saying.

Flights of Fancy: Prada Smoking Lips Sandal

If the Prada flame sandals were Cha Cha DiGregorio, then these beautiful betties are all Rizzo. Gotta light?

Photo credit: Sea of Shoes

How to Tie a Scarf

Let it be known that I am a fan of scarves. Worn myriad ways, for myriad purposes or no purpose at all (aside from utter chic-ness) a scarf is, hands-down, the easiest way to amp up your look. French women do this in their sleep.

I love this guide by Sears and Roebuck Co. from 1960. Every single suggestion would look cool today. For the details (and some decidedly un-pc names), take a peek at the Sears pamphlet.

I like “the Gypsy”and “the Apache”, but shhhh – we can’t really call them that.

Not a Fan: Missoni for Converse

Call me an old curmudgeon, but when I saw that Missoni and Converse were teaming up for a 2012 line of Chuck Taylors, I scoffed, then I tssked, then I went outside and yelled at some kids to get off my lawn.

Just because I like chocolate and just because I like peanut butter, doesn’t mean I like them together. Oh, wait. Bad example.

Just because I like Missoni and just because I like Converse, doesn’t mean I like them together.

I like my Chucks low top, black and reeking of spilt beer. To me, a luxury take on a lowbrow brand seems totally contrived.

Two hundred bucks for Chucks? Honey, please.

Ask the SB: Packing Silk

Q: Spring break is fast approaching, and I’ve begun packing. Well, in my head anyway. I keep visualizing arriving at our destination, the sun being high and bright, the temperature being 85 degrees, and as I unpack my bag to change out of my traveling attire . . . ARG! The few, carefully chosen silk clothing items I packed are a mess of wrinkles. I’m a minimalist packer, so short of making room for a travel steamer, what’s a girl to do? XO
–Gigi

A: Gigi dear, I’m a minimalist packer too and I would NEVER bring a travel steamer unless I had a wedding to attend . . . and I happened to be the bride. Even then, I’d hem and haw.

All you have to do is put your wrinkled clothes on hangers and leave them in the bathroom while you shower. Gravity and a little ambient steam is usually enough to do the trick.

You might also consider putting your silk items in dry cleaner bags in your suitcase, so they can kind of slip around a bit. People swear by the rolling method (i.e. a burrito, a joint), but I must admit I haven’t tried it (with clothes).

Happy travels, my love. Don’t forget that sunscreen!

SB

SB is Speechless re: Bridal Feeding Tubes

I try not to get all judgy here on SB, but when I saw the story in the Sunday NY Times about the extreme measures being taken by dieting brides-to-be, I got a little judgy.

Everyone wants a quick fix for their fat ass, and now it seems that for a cool $1,500 you can get a feeding tube put in your nose for ten days.

I can’t even begin to enumerate the number of things wrong with this scenario, not least of which is the fact that a medical intervention usually reserved for sick people – people who would likely give anything for an appetite or the ability to eat on their own, is being used by vain and lazy women to lose weight for their wedding days.

I know. Judgy. Can’t help it.

SB Tunes: Diana Ross

Come ON. Does it get more spectacular than Diana Ross? This picture is all that and a bag of chips. Devastating diva. I mean, come ON. Just look at her.

Ross is all eyes, hair, voice and attitude. Enjoy It’s My House, especially her little there’s my chair, I put it there move at 26 seconds. Hooooo mama. Her house might have been built for love, but so the hell was that sparkly white halter jumpsuit.

Photo credit: Rex Features

Can Men and Women be Just Friends?

Of course they can. To say or pretend otherwise, is rubbish. It doesn’t give men enough credit for their ability to care about anything other than the panties. Or to women, for being smart enough, funny enough and cool enough to be more than just another pair of panties.

For obvious reasons (sex sells), we rarely see male female friendships portrayed in the media. This NY Times op-ed piece by William Deresiewicz explains the evolution of friendship and why, as a culture, we have such trouble understanding and narrating non-romantic relationships.

A fascinating read.

Photo credit: Norman Seef

SB Loves: Tomboy Style

I’ve been a fan of Lizzie Garrett Mettler’s blog, Tomboy Style, for many moons. I’m a tomboy myself. It’s true. All spectacular bitchiness aside, I’m a t-shirt and jeans and barefoot kind of girl – with a dollop of Latina homegirl, a pinch of rocker chick and a sprinkling of bejeweled octogenarian doyenne thrown in for good measure.

Some day we’ll sit down with a bottle of wine and talk about all the different flavors of Spectacular Bitch, but for now, back to the tomboy.

Lizzie has turned her cool blog into a cool book, and I for one, cannot wait to get my grubby little hands on mine. I will sit in the sun, with a glass of wine with two ice cubes and devour Tomboy Style from stem to stern. Watch this short video of the adorable Lizzie talking about how her book came to be and you’ll want to do the same.

Can you say girl crush? Sigh.

Photo credit: Osa Johnson Martin and Osa Johnson Safari Museum

Flights of Fancy: Dolce and Gabbana Town Mercato Dress

I just made up the name “town mercato dress” because that’s where I’d wear the little number on the far right. (Yoohooo! Did you catch that Domenico and Stefano? Perhaps you’d like to hire SB to work in your emporium of sexiness? Your ufficio of femininity? Your bureau of bustiers? Hmmm? Sì? Sì?)

Normally, I’m not one to advocate bra-top dressing, but the retro cut of the top and the high waist of the skirt is darling. Add the vegetal print, and I’m frothy for a big straw bag, some Euros tucked into that bra top and a windy dirt road to the town market in Capri.

Perhaps I’d meet a dark Italian smoking a cigarillo on a fence on my way back and he’d carry my heavy burden and I’d kindly repay him with un pranzo lungo.

What? It could happen.

To see the 2012 collection in motion, look here.

And for more gorgeous pictures of Dolce and Gabbana’s 2012 Ad campaign by Giampaolo Sgura peep over here.

Bellissimo!

Short-Haired Spectacular Bitches

I’m sure you’ve all heard the news by now: Anne Hathaway cut her hair for her role as Fantine in Les Mis. Le gasp!

The only reason this is even noteworthy, is because we’ve all come to understand Anne as a long-haired girl. Nevertheless, I think it looks adorable and will only serve to accentuate her big beautiful eyes and mouth. But you can tell from this picture, she feels naked.

That’s because hair is a shield. It is a buffer between your face, your neck and the cruel prying eyes of the world. Short hair was considered outré and subversive back in the day, but honestly, it still is.

Short hair takes balls. I envy the chick who can bust out a pixie or a short little shag. No muss, no fuss, face, neck and ears exposed for all to see. It’s the hair equivalent of a bold fist pump to the air. This is me. Take it or leave it.

Me, I’ll take it. Oh, that I could pull it off. Check out this slideshow of SBs past and present who rock a short coiffe. So very fetching.

Can a Building be a Spectacular Bitch?

Most definitely. The Getty Museum knocked me on my tush with its soaring elegance. Drop. Dead. Gorgeous. But more than a pretty face, this building has personality, grace and grandeur. The vista! The texture! The lines and angles! Seriously spectacular.

Richard Meier, well done, sir. She’s a beauty. She’s one in a million girls. Why would I lie?

And to make matters even MORE swoon worthy, I was lucky enough to catch the Herb Ritts exhibit, which is on through August 26, 2012. What a treat to see his iconic work in the flesh – oh, all that beautiful, sculpted, gleaming flesh! I might have been scolded by the guard for getting too close to the pictures. Maybe even more than once.

Can you blame me?

Ask the SB: Denim Skirts

Q: Hello SB! Loving the site. My question is based on a lively discussion a girlfriend and I were having. She informed me that since we are 22 year old law students, we are too old and professional for denim skirts in any wash or length and they should have been left behind in our sorority days.

I disagree. I still feel like since we live in southern California where it is warm and sunny year round that there is still hope I can pull off a casual denim skirt in class. Please help us reconcile this debate!

–Shelby

A: Oh Shelby, I hope you had dinner riding on this bet because it is time to feast up.

I think 22 years old is way too young to start worrying about dressing too young. Live a little, girls!

Soon enough, you will be pasty, overworked first year associates with no lives or memory of your bare legs. I know of what I speak. Do not go there prematurely.

Having said that, there are certain denim skirts that are not ideal for the first row of your Civil Procedure lecture; if it’s super short, lighter than the sky or frayed in any manner, then leave it for the beach, music festival, farmers market or anywhere else you’d wear shorts.

For school, stick with a pencil skirt shape in either dark denim like this Hudson number, crisp white or, for fun (for the love of God, I beg of you, Shelby, HAVE SOME FUN BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!) a color – like the gorgeous Robert Rodriquez skirt pictured. I am actually quite smitten by this canary yellow and am considering it for myself.

Anyhoo, doll, I hope this helps. I had a fabulous time in your state, by the way. Did you know lemons grow on trees, like, in the streets? It’s astonishing!

Much love,

SB

Happy Easter

Remember these Mark Jacobs for Louis Vuitton bunny ears from 2009? Preposterous and brilliant. So wishing I had a pair of these today.

I’ll simply have to content myself by gnawing on the ear of this here chocolate rabbit.

Beyoncé Tumbles

Well, not really. More like Beyoncé tumblrs. My iPhone burst into a mad hot ball of flames last Friday with all the brouhaha on twitter about Beyonce’s new tumblr.

She seemingly birthed it as easily breezily as she birthed that wee Blue Ivy – and it’s voyeuristic eye-candy to the max. The stream is basically lots of beach pics, yacht pics and Beyoncé looking fabulous pics. You know, a day in the life.

What I want to know is – who follows her around snapping pictures all day long? Could it possibly be Jay Z? Nah. Still, lucky Bey.

Photo credit: Beyoncé’s tumblr

SB Tunes: Gwen Stefani

I’m feeling the Cali vibe, so for this week’s SB tunes, a Cali girl. I love myself a little Gwen, I really do.

Stefani has always had a super distinctive personal style, drawing from Mexican cholas in the early days with her baggie pants and wife-beater tees and trucking on thru exotic bindi girl, glammy 40′s vixen, and Japanese Harajuku girl.

Stefani is the QUEEN of the red lip and the platinum blond locks. She admits to being a total make-up fiend, and sister piles it on, but still manages to look slouchy cool and edgy tough.

And here’s an interesting tidbit: she comes from a family of seamstresses and has been making her own clothes since she was a kid, so her clothing label, L.A.M.B., which launched in 2003 has roots and reason.

Watch this and see if it doesn’t make you want to grab your besties and go cruising with the windows down in your customized muscle car. Damn.

Incidentally, love the message. Spectacular bitches ain’t no hollaback girls. Ever.

Toodles, y’all!

I’m heading to L.A. and although I’ll miss you, I plan to be very busy shopping, eating fish tacos, bumping into celebrities at the coffee shop and going to the wax museum.

I’m pretty sure Posh and Becks were planning on having me over for lunch and a swim, however, we haven’t finalized plans.

But don’t worry, babies. I’ll be back before you know it. Maybe with a new bag full of hot tips.

Photo credit: Océane Buret, whose lovely photos are nostalgic and wanderlust provoking.

Good News for Sewer-Mouthed SBs

I have long been a rabid supporter of equal opportunity for ALL words, whether filthy and profane or pure as the white driven snow.

Sometimes, I like to string them together in long, vertiginous, melodious, hair-raising strands punctuated by nothing more than the ever satisfying syncopation of strategically placed F-bombs.

And now, I can rest easy that my penchant for cussing is actually a plus in the work place, winning me friends and relieving stress.

Best fucking news I’ve heard all day.

SB Tunes: Regine Chassagne and Cyndi Lauper

A couple years ago, when this site was but a glimmer in my eye, I was getting my mind blown at an Arcade Fire concert when the meaning of “Spectacular Bitch” crystalized for me.

Watching Haitian beauty, Regine Chassagne, tear around the stage from the keyboards, to the drum kits, to the accordion, to the mic like a wild fairy – it hit me like a ton of bricks. SHE was spectacular.

With her sparkly gold dresses and her fingerless gloves, her messy curls and her twirly moves, her high wavery voice and her bone deep musicality, she simply rocks. She is a foil and a muse – a worthy adversary, co-conspirator, co-creator and sidekick to her hubby, lead singer, Win Butler.

And because I love you, a twofer where Regine performs Sprawl II with Cyndi Lauper at Jazz Fest last year. Lauper is looking great, playing a lap dulcimer and still flying the flag for girls who wanna have fun.

What I would have given . . .

Supermodels with No Make-Up

Don’t get too excited. They still look ridiculously good. Credit given where credit due. Years ago, I saw Claudia Schiffer at a little Mexican joint in NYC and she was astoundingly beautiful. She actually looked much younger without all the make-up. It was hard not to stare.

Check out the slide show over at Harpers Bazaar and go ahead and be a little jealous.

Not for nothing, HB, but if you really want to show me something, show it to me in color.

Ask the SB: Again with the Clogs!

Q: Your answer to my Dansko clog issue puts me in a bit of a quandary. I am, in fact, a chef, a nurse, a doctor, and sadly . . . fish monger seems oh so close to home. I am a mother. And, I do not have the luxury of going off to a fancy office to strut my stuff and feel like a sexy something. So, is your response meant to encourage those of us with jobs heavy on the “service” to stick with our clogs and call it a day? If so, I’m cool with that. I really did in fact just hope for your blessing. My feet are really happy. And, now that it is summery outside, I have switched to Thong Birkenstocks. 

Warmly, Kristen (still wearing comfortable shoes)

p.s. Of course, unless you have a better alternative to suggest?

A: Dear Kirsten,

If you had wanted my blessing and not my opinion, all you had to do was ask. Oh wait, you did. My mistake.

Here’s a blessing for you, but first, two tenets of Spectacular Bitchdom: 1. KNOW THYSELF and 2. KNOW THY BODY.

In other words, you know your life and more importantly, you know your feet. If Dansko clogs work for you, if they help you get through your day (really? fishmonger?) with a smile on your face and a spring in your step, then go for it – but own it.

To me, being a Spectacular Bitch means drawing inspiration, knowledge and advice from a variety of sources, the wider and more diverse the better, but ultimately doing what I want. A third SB tenant: KNOW THE RULES AND HOW TO BREAK THEM. Blessing hereby bestowed. Good? Good.

Now for my opinion, because it’s what I do. The litany of jobs in my answer was meant to evoke the need for foot protection – from abrasions, lacerations and spillage (bodily fluids and other). I think Danskos look like entirely too much protection for an average foot on an average day, no matter how maternal your activities. Unless your child is a budding knife thrower, they seem like overkill.

Also, a cautionary tale: I know a woman who was told by her physical therapist that her glutes were completely atrophied because walking around in Danskos was the equivalent of having her feet bound. She had to retrain her gait by wearing those toe finger shoes, which, frankly, make Danskos look like Louboutins. True story.

The last time I checked, ballerina flats were super comfortable. So is a smart brogue, a preppy boat shoe, a buttery moccasin, a slip-on tennie, a classic sneaker, or a quality boot. The t-strap on your Birks narrowly saves them from being patchouli-scented Lord Boards, so they’re fine for summer.

The point is, there are scads of practical, comfortable options out there for mothers like you to choose from. And why shouldn’t you feel like a sexy something as you go about your day? You absolutely should.

Remember the most important SB tenet of all: HAVE YOUR CAKE, AND EAT IT TOO.

Now you have my blessing and my opinion. Take your pick, sister. Go forth and be spectacular.

Smooches,

SB

A Handy Tip for the Easily Distracted

If you’re reading this blog, you may know a thing or two about distractions. Watch this delightful 3 minutes for a handy tip.

It’s actually a scene that didn’t make the final cut of Miranda July’s last film, The Future.

I didn’t see the film, but I did read her collection of short stories called No One Belongs Here More than You. July is one quirky and insightful lady, and adorable to boot. She seems to be able to see straight thru into people’s deepest oddities and use them as fodder for her work. In a good way.

My favorite thing in this short film is the tweezers. And her black brogues. Watch it, you’ll see.

The Evolution of the Bra

Robin Givhan’s piece about the bra’s big moments in history in Newsweek’s Mad Men issue is a good read. It’s not entirely surprising that such a slip of a thing, an unmentionable, an undergarment would become such a politicizing and polarizing symbol.

It may be hidden, but it’s the article of clothing a woman feels the most – around her ribs, over her shoulders, across her beating heart – where big breaths and loud roars originate, where selfhood and passions reside.

It sort of gives new meaning to the lyrics: when you love somebody, set them free.

Not that I’m advocating any sort of bralessness lawlessness. If the girls need support, you give it.

But if they don’t, well, you know what to do.

Ask the SB: Dansko Clogs

Q: Wondering if you can give me permission to cruise around town in Dansko clogs? From other fashion sources, I hear this is a complete No-No, along with wearing work-out clothes as “day wear.” I do not know what to do because they are just oh so comfortable and somehow make their way onto my feet all the time. Help.

-Kirsten

A: I’ve got GREAT news for you, Kirsten. You CAN cruise around town in Dansko clogs . . . if you’re an ER Doc or a chef.

Oh, wait. You’re not? Are you a nurse? No? How about a welder? A crossing guard? A ceramicist? No?

Do you operate a forklift throughout the course of your day? Are you a veterinary dentist? A weaver? A fishmonger? No?

Are you a glass blower? No?

Then, no. Be strong.

XO,

SB

SB Tunes: Blondie

It’s hard to talk SBs without talking music. Being spectacular comes from the inside – like music. It’s not so much about what you wear, but how you wear it. Not about who you know, but who you are. It’s not about perfection, it’s about point of view. It’s confidence, attitude and bringing something unique to the table.

I’ve decided that on Fridays I’m going to treat myself to a little SB tuneage highlighting SBs past, present and in the making. I have no preconceived notions of where this is going and who I’m going to feature, but I do know my net will be wide and my heart will be racing. Hope you love it.

First up. Debbie Harry. Of course. The queen of glitter pop. The princess of punk. The sheba of the shag. Sexy on her own terms, Blondie walked the line, no – created the line between glammy girl and tomboy. Enjoy a little Dreaming. And check her out in this commercial for Gloria Vanderbilt by Murjani.

Dreaming is free.

The Hunger Games Movie Opens TODAY!!!

Dying, over here. Waiting. Panting.

The Hunger Games Trilogy features one of the best young female protagonists since Scout from To Kill a Mockingbird. There is hope for our girls, with books like these. Thank you, Suzanne Collins, for giving us the complex, smart and brave-hearted Katniss Everdeen.

DYING. Pant. Pant. Pant.

Ask the SB: The Orange Bridesmaid’s Dress

Q: Oh my goodness! I am so excited that this website is finally up. :] My GBFF has been reading MB for ages now and I was absolutely dying for someone to ask all of my lady fashion-related questions. (Besides him, of course)

One of my very closest friends has asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, which is loads of fun… except the dresses are going to be orange! Bleh. I’m so pale that I know the color will absolutely wash me out.

I know that it’s her day, and so it should be entirely about making her happy… but is there a way to politely suggest some alterations to the dress so that they aren’t quite so gaudy? It’ll be a summer wedding, so they should be about knee-length, a-line and probably sleeveless. ENTIRELY orange. Maybe add a cardigan or shawl?

Please advise, I have no idea how to approach this subject, she’s one to have her feathers easily ruffled.

—Jordan

A: Tread lightly, my dear, for you are entering dangerous waters. Hell hath no fury like a pissed off bride. I imagine your GBFF has been practically throwing himself between you and the phone when he sees you getting up the nerve to broach the subject with the bride.

It’s entirely reasonable to ask that you be allowed to add a little cardi to the ensemble at some point after the ceremony and pictures. Simply ask your princess bride if she wants a say in the color. You can also take the dress to the make-up counter and ask for help finding a bold lip to keep you from looking too washed out. Perhaps fuscia?

Other than that, my advice is to suck down multiple gin and tonics and wear the orange and a smile.

Rest easy — you’ll extract your revenge by having her wear sea foam green at your wedding.

Have fun!

SB

Flatforms – Yay or Nay?

I’m not quite sure the new flatform shoe is working for me. This shoe might be anathema to our generously-footed sisters – yours truly included. Talk about clodhoppers. A size 10 could keep a family of five afloat on the high seas for weeks.

On the other hand, I see the appeal of the lift with this season’s palazzo pant and maybe even my giant baggy homegirl jeans. Certain pants require a longer leg than nature provides and just like an orthopedic elevator shoe, these pups are here to help.

Tempting. Very tempting.

Flights of Fancy: Chloe Studded Boot

If I had an extra thirteen hundred bones lying around, I’d pick up this beautiful Chloe boot.

In white, it’s the most genius blend of moto shit-kicker and Palm Springs octogenarian.

I am feeling these for spring, although it’s probably best I don’t indulge. I’d be spoiling for a fight on bingo night, ready to throw down at the early bird buffet, coming to fisticuffs at the shuffleboard court and that’s just plain unseemly.

Ask the SB: Caftans

Q: What’s your position on caftans? I just found a gorgeous vintage number and I wonder if I could pull it off without feeling like Bea Arthur.

–Many thanks, Lyn

Dearest Lyn,

I love caftans. But then again, I also love Bea Arthur, so you decide if I’m to be trusted.

I think a caftan is the perfect uniform for eating olives, throwing the stale bread from yesterday’s three hour lunch to the fancy chickens, smoking out of hookahs and generally swanning around in the summer time.

So chic. I say go for it.

Much love,

SB

Pictured caftan from Two

SB Loves: Veiled Skull Caps

I know!!! So ridiculous, but I love.

Being a girl who lives in the cold, hats are ripe for fancy flourishes. This Stephen-Jones designed black veiled beanie was first seen in the Jil Sander’s Spring 2012 runway show and I predict it’ll get traction. How could it not? It’s deliciously batty, yet totally flattering.

photo credit: Tommy Ton

Spectacular Bitches?

Oh, yes. Mos def. Having a penoose does not disqualify.

But what’s the common denominator, aside from the fact that they are all amazing musicians?

Sartorial flair? Check. Fearlessness? Check. Excellent hair? Check. Attitude? Check. Sensuality? Ferocity? Ability to BRING IT? Check! Check! Check!

Clockwise from top left, for your viewing pleasure: Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison, Mick Jagger, David Bowie, Liberace, Prince, Freddie, Mercury.

Mad Men Season 5

One week, kids. Seven days until the season premier of Mad Men. Like everyone, I adore the show. It’s eye-candy with substance. It’s a kaleflaxbeethemp smoothie that looks and tastes like one of those giant swirly lollipops. What could be better?

If prior timelines are observed, the show should begin in the spring or summer of 1967. Sartorially, I have high hopes for this season. The hair may be a little looser, the dresses may be a little less structured and Go Go maybe a go go. I am simply all a’dither.

Message for the MPD of the District of Columbia

Eeek! George Clooney was arrested outside of the Sudanese Embassy in Washington for protesting Sudan’s blockage of food and aid to its starving citizenry.

Here’s a message for the D.C. Police from the SB:

1. Watch the face!

2. What’s with those cheap plastic cable ties? Would it have killed you to use a proper pair of handcuffs on George?

Photo credit: Win Mcnamee/Getty Images

Go Green or Go Home

However you may choose to frolic, Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Left photo credit: Marcio Madiera/firstVIEW – Right photo credit: who the hell knows, but I love her

Tip the SB: Stop Saying St. Patty’s Day!

Dear SB:

On behalf of all the Irish people, please, please, please do NOT refer to St Patrick’s Day as “St Patty’s Day”.

The abbreviation of Paddy’s Day is acceptable (nay colloquial!) but “Patty” is like rubbing a cat’s fur the wrong way. Doing it in Ireland may get you spectacularly thrown out of a pub! Apart from that, keep up the good work SB and MB!

Kind regards,

Eoin Meehan

Dear Eoin,

Thanks for the tip! I try to avoid pissing off entire nations, ethnic groups, furry cats and fiery Irish lassies whenever possible.

I find it outrageous that I attended the University of Notre Dame for four years and they never taught us this. What the hell was that leprechaun up to all that time? He needs to be doing less tumbling at football games and more public service announcements. A wasted four years, I tell you!

Now excuse me while I go paint a shamrock on my cheek.

Smooches,

SB

Ask the SB: What to Wear to a Cuba before Castro Party

Q: I’m preparing to dance the night away at a “Cuba Before Castro” event and I’m stumped on what to wear. There will be a great Latin band and some salsa dancers to kick off the night. I have a slinky black dress that I love. Are there simple ways I could dress it up and go with the theme?

Also, how to dress my husband? A penciled-in mustache perhaps?

–Clueless about Cuba

A: Ay, mujer! Que lindo!!! Should we meet before for mojitos?

Your black dress is basically a blank slate and there are indeed some easy ways to bring a little Chiquita to your look.

To start with, go with a matte red lip and some very large gold hoops – don’t hold back on either.

If I were you, I’d figure out a way to tie a scarf around my head to look like the Havana beauties above. The look is slightly Rosie the Riveter, but with those fabulous bows in front. Otherwise, a chic little turban with some bejeweled fruit and flowers would be divine. Since your dress is black, feel free to go with a red or leopard-print pump or wedge.

As for your hubby, the obvious choice would be a Guayabera shirt, perhaps a fedora and hell, yes – a pencil mustache!

Un beso grande,

SB

photo credit: Klaus Lang

James Franco to Play Robert Mapplethorpe

Heads up, people! The adorable, chameleonic James Franco will be playing Robert Mapplethorpe in an upcoming biopic, directed by documentary filmmaker, Ondi Timoner.

I must admit I knew little of Mapplethorpe (outside of the brouhaha), until I read Just Kids, a memoir by Patti Smith, who is, incidentally, a Spectacular Bitch of the Tomboy variety. Mapplethorpe was one tortured dude, with a heart of gold and an insatiable need to create; it was as if his very life depended on it. Should be gooooooood.

And check out this short film by the NYTimes of James Franco kissing himself if you wish to be amused. And maybe a little turned on.

Ask the SB: A Whole Litany of Things

Editor’s note: A reader named “Johnny” peppered me with a whole series of questions, so I will do my best to answer them in turn – although I can’t for the life of me decide whether Johnny is a boy or a girl. You be the judge.

Q: First date with an SB – would she like to sit at the bar or a table?

A: Personally, I prefer a bar. It’s more casual and intimate for a first date and there is more opportunity for accidental knee touching and shoulder grazing. Plus you’re bound to get  your drinks faster. But I cannot speak for everyone, so I suppose it’s best to ask your SB what she prefers.

Q: What’s a typical SB look for yoga?

A: So Johnny’s got a wandering third eye, eh? I don’t worry about what other people have on at yoga, and neither should you. Stick to something stretchy and flattering enough to wear within the walls of the yoga studio. If you’re a boy, shirtless is fine, just make sure your huevos are securely fastened so you aren’t violating anyone during prasarita padottanasana. Not that I’m looking. Because I’m not.

Q: What’s more spectacular? Boots over or under jeans?

A: This question makes me think you’re a boy, Johnny. Obviously, it depends on the jeans and to a lesser extent, the boots. A wide leg or boot leg jean must go over the boot. A skinny jean must go inside the boot. Both are spectacular and I find the choice is usually driven by nothing more than the vagaries of my mood.

Q: Is SB a good friend? Trustworthy?

A: OK, now that’s a girl question if I ever heard one. You are a complicated one, Johnny! Listen closely, because this is important: OF COURSE SB IS A GOOD FRIEND! Haven’t you noticed that we’re BIG fans of women around here? We like women almost as much as we like men. As far as I’m concerned, the more people out there who are looking and feeling fabulous, the better it is for everyone. Spectacular Bitches don’t muck around with pettiness and jealousies. They don’t have to.

Love,

SB

Top Ten Demonstrations of Love in History

Take a swill of this lovely article: The Top Ten Demonstrations of Love in History. A little Taj Mahal here, an abdication of the British throne there, a bit of gardening that resulted in the Hanging Gardens of Babylon.

There is nothing like a grand gesture, however, sometimes, a bit of old-fashion peevish stubbornness says ‘I love you’ the best.

Lucille Ball apparently refused to do the I Love Lucy pilot unless they cast her real life husband, Desi Arnaz. The network wasn’t sure America was ready for his thick Latin accent, but it turns out Lucy knew best and the beloved show ran for nearly a decade.

Lesson: always listen to the funny lady.

I LOVE LUCY.

Photo credit: Bettman/Corbis