High-Waisted Swim Suits: Yay or Nay?

The fact that I’m only getting around to writing about this trend in August means I have spent all summer trying with all my might to understand, embrace and enjoy this look.

While there is much to like about this look in theory, I have yet to see anyone actually look good in a high-waisted suit and it’s confounding to me.

On the plus side:

1. I like the idea of a retro glammy swim suit.

2. I like the idea of a little coverage for girls who may want a two-piece but have a little extra tummy love.

3. I like the idea that these bottoms won’t go flying off when you dive off the dock.

4. I like the fact that you don’t have to wax to within an inch of your life in this.

5. I like the fact that these suits pretty much declare to all the boys: I don’t care what you think.

6. I like the idea of being able to share swimsuits with my grandma.

On the minus side:

1. Ke$ha, Taylor Swift, Florence Welch, and Katy Perry all look kind of eeesh in their high-waisted suits and, with the exception of Ke$ha, they all have quite nice healthy figures.

2. Dita Von Teese could probably pull off a high-waisted suit, but to my knowledge she eschews water and, in fact, does not go outside when it’s daylight.

3. If you wouldn’t wear underwear this big, why would you wear bikini bottoms this big?

4. It’s not so much that the waist looks high, but the crotch looks low. Is low crotch ever a good look when you’re frolicking in the surf?

5. From behind, these suits make the bum look like a vast and endless savanna of lycra.

6. Belly button suffocation.

7. Oh ya, and low crotch. Again. Bad.

That’s 5 to 7, with high-waisted being the clear loser.

Not a fan.