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Men

Happy Birthday, David Bowie

David Bowie, 1973

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways . . . With thanks to Elizabeth Barrett Browning, I’d like to wish honorary SB, David Bowie, a very happy 67th birthday.

I wonder what’s on deck for the Thin White Duke tonight? Champagne and caviar with Iman? Barolo and spaghetti with Iman? Beer and shepherd’s pie with Iman? Hmmm. Maybe a nice warm Cioppino? Breakfast for dinner? Why am I experiencing such a violent desire to feed David Bowie?

Anyhoo.

Now back to those ways: Space Odyssey, cheekbones, jumpsuits, Iman since 1992, Ashes to Ashes, heterochromia, fearlessness, great suits, a sordid past, long legs, collaboration, man makeup, Blue Jean, blurred boundaries, acting like a grown-up, innovation, China Girl . . .

Let’s put on our red shoes and dance, shall we?

Previously on SB: SB Tunes – Bowie

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He’s Back and Better Than Ever

Over the last months, I’ve had to fend off countless queries, ranging from the plaintive to the pissed off, regarding the whereabouts of a certain Magnificent Bastard. Where did he go? Why isn’t he posting? What about us guys? Wah. Wah. Wah.

First of all, I believe I have given all you red-blooded MBs out there enough spectacular lady eye and ear candy to tide you over whilst your boy went astray.

Secondly, I am not MB’s wife. Nor his secretary, nurse, prison warden, shrink or keeper of any sort, so frankly, I had zero idea what sort of vision quest he was on.

It just so happens, however, that MB recently made his way back to my snowy city, hat in hand, and we had drinks.

He looks tan and well-rested and I trust you will find his alcohol tolerance and his way with threads and words to be intact.

Go to him, my brothers. And buy some of those cute ties.

Have a Spectacular Thanksgiving

Marilyn-Monroe-Pilgrim

May your day be filled with abundant wine, savory gravy and multiple pies, baby. Maybe a nap, maybe a movie, maybe some dancing. Definitely NO fighting.

This year I’m grateful for the fact that I get to feature a pants-less Marilyn Monroe holding a shotgun and my beloved Beastie Boys in a post that more than a handful of people will look at. Thank you for indulging me, you Spectacular Bitches, you.

Enjoy a little “Gratitude.” That’s what it’s all about, no?

So Many Selfies

selfies

This week the word “selfie” was chosen as word of the year by the erudite folks over at the Oxford English Dictionary. It has been included in the on-line version of the dictionary and is being considered for inclusion in the traditional OED.

Personally, I can’t take a decent selfie to save my life, which is fine because let’s face it, selfies are kind of annoying and mostly best left to the tweens.

However, I’m tickled by what Franz Ferdinand bassist, Bob Hardy, has going on. Basically, he’s been taking hotel room selfies since 2005 to document tour life, but he cleverly obscures his face with whatever book he happens to be reading. Check out a smattering over at T Magazine.

I’m going to start doing this with cheeseburgers, hoagies, burritos, gyros, tacos, bahn mi. I may have to get a smaller face and bigger sandwiches, but I think Bob is really onto something here.

Enjoy a little Franz Ferdinand for Movember. And top hats off to Bob Hardy for being humble and bookish and clever. It’s enough to make an SB a little frothy. This song certainly is.

Franz Ferdinand – Take Me Out from BavarianBlue on Vimeo.

SB Tunes: Father John Misty

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When I feature men on this site, whether it be in honor of Movember or otherwise, chances are they have a little Spectacular Bitch in them. Father John Misty, né Joshua Tillman, is no exception. It’s something about the way they move.

To call him a character is an understatement. He’s peculiar and eccentric – surly, ravenous and frankly, scarily talented.

Oh. And sexy – because of how he looks, sure, but also because of how he thinks and creates and performs.

Of the pseudonym, Father John Misty, he cites Phillip Roth (yet another staggeringly sexy mind) and says it’s all of him and none of him. Whatever. I dig.

Previously on SB: SB Tunes – Kanye
Previously on SB: Can Women and Men be Just Friends?

SB Loves: Freddie and Darth

Mercury, Freddie

If ever there was an image to usher out Halloween and all its cobwebs, cauldrons and sexy witches/fairies/nurses/Minnie Mouses/construction workers/hippies/firefighters/disco queens et al and usher IN the month of November, also known as Movember, then this is it. How much more on-trend could Freddie Mercury’s fantastic leather shorts possibly be?

Around these parts we don’t much care if men grow mustaches to raise awareness of men’s health issues. We do care about men’s health, of course, but we like to raise awareness of men in general.

Because we like them.

A lot.

So tune in for a little testosterone this month. Things could get interesting around here.

Previously on SB: SB Loves the Male Bond

Previously on SB: SB Loves Kissing Footballers

Photo credit: Via Awesome People Hanging Out Together

SB Tunes: Police

The-Police-007

In honor of back-to-school, sharpened not-yet-chewed No. 2 pencils, new kicks and fresh starts, an iconic video I bet you haven’t seen in a while.

A good reminder to read  your Nabokov.

p.s. a properly wielded carpet beater can be a compelling, uh, teaching tool.

p.s.s. minute 3.09 in the vid.

p.s.s.s. sometimes it’s not so easy to be the teacher’s pet.

Photo credit: Getty Images

SB Loves The Male Bond

rat-pack

It’s no secret that SB loves men. And some might suspect that I’m looking for any excuse to post pictures of cute men, looking cute, being cute friends. And they might be right.

But only partially so.

The truth is that the most attractive men are happy men. And Andrew O’Hagan’s lyrical analysis of why male friendships matter is one clue to understanding the psychological anatomy of a good, happy guy.

Girlfriends, gal pals, besties or whatever you want to call it, get an awful lot of credit for keeping a lady afloat – what with all the wine, and speed-walking and sharing. And don’t get me wrong – a good girlfriend is a good thing.

But personally, I loved getting a little insight into what makes a good guy friend a good thing: Men fire each other up for manhood . . . Men give each other the pure, golden excuse of identification. It has something to do with competition and measuring up but also acceptance and just hanging out.

The author writes of an old girlfriend who hated what happened when men got together late at night and drank whiskey . . . when red-faced philosophers would come bursting through the door after midnight thirsty for camaraderie and the sauce of life . . .

Camaraderie and the sauce of life.

What else is there?

Previously on SB: Can Men and Women be Just Friends?

Ask the SB: Valentine’s Day

Valentines-Day

Q: Curious how SB likes to spend her Valentine’s Day. What do you like to do? What do you like to get? Or do you just like to avoid it completely?

–Pete

A: Pete. Darling. Is this a thinly veiled way of trying to find out whether I have a lover? And an even more thinly veiled attempt to ask me out? My word! I am more than a little flattered, Pete.

A girl needs to maintain an air of mystery in order to pen a questionably relevant fashion blog, so I will only say this: my Valentine’s night will NOT involve a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and the remote. It might, however, involve dancing in silhouette in front of a be-hearted backdrop. One never does know.

I have actually answered a similar question before, so instead of repeating myself, I’ll simply point you in the right direction.

There you have it. Try to find a suitable replacement, doll, and enjoy the night. (Hmmm. How important commas can be . . .)

xo,
SB

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Ask the SB: How to Get Hair to There?

Q: Back around May, Dan asked you about engagement rings. He introduced me to MB, and thus I found my way to you. So it was only a matter of time before I discovered this post. And he was right, I do prefer white gold, and thankfully he was as wise as he is handsome with his choice. I’m surprised he didn’t think the band itself was a gamble. It is different and, as you said, bold. Love it!

Here is my question. Due to a difficult stint in my occupation, I cut off all my wonderful hair in exchange for practicality. Think Anne Hathaway short. BTW, if I had known this engagement was coming, I never would have done it. (Dan did a good job in the surprise category).

It’s been about 9 months, and it’s a mess. Is there any way to gracefully grow out a hair cut like this? Is there a way to fake length that doesn’t include getting extensions that will be suitable for a spectacular updo for a wedding in 5 months?

Thanks!

Kendall

~p.s. I said ‘yes’

A: WOW! Kendall! Congratulations!!! I always worry that answering questions for the boys might somehow preclude them from sharing me with their spectacular ladies, so I love how this has panned out! And well done to Dan for nailing it on the ring and the surprise. I am as proud as a mother hen. Just watch me strut around all puff chested, bragging about my Dan. Well done!

Now on to your hair conundrum. I trust the circumstances surrounding your cut weren’t quite as extenuating as Fantine’s, but I do quite understand your impatience with a rapidly approaching wedding. The fact is, growing out hair is a bitch. If it’s a mess, as you say, you may actually need a little trim to see you through the worst of it.

You must find a good stylist – someone who understands your endgame (long hair) and will play it, someone who will strategize with you on a coif for the big day. I understand not wanting to go the extensions route, but if you have enough hair by D-day, there are creative things that can be done with hair pieces and braids to fill out an updo.

But who says you need to put your hair up? There is no bridal canon that dictates you must have an intricate updo. Why not go for something unexpected? It sounds like you might be dealing with a medium length by the time of your wedding and if you have lovely hair, as you say you do, it could be even more stunning styled beautifully with whatever hairpiece, headband or veil you’ve chosen.

I’m feeling a 1920′s vibe. Charlize Theron does this really well for awards shows, so check her out for inspiration. Loose and whimsical hair can be so fetching with a wedding gown and frankly, probably photographs better. Many brides end up looking like pin heads in their updos due to the relative volume of their dresses. I’m just sayin’.

So relax. Enjoy the whole process of planning your wedding and know that you have gorgeous options no matter what length your hair.

Cheers!

xo,

SB

 

SB Cannot Wait to Get Her Paws on the Vanity Fair Comedy Issue

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It’s guest edited by Judd Apatow and features three different covers. Which to choose??? I kind of love every single person pictured, with the exception, perhaps, of Megan Fox. Is she funny? Hmmm.

And hats off to Leslie Mann, 40 year old mother of two, for ra ra rocking that bikini. Much is being made of the fact that the issue features an equal number of men and women. As long as we’re talking equity, I think there should be at least one dude in his skivvies as a counterpoint to Mann. My vote would have been for Jack Black, but what do I know? And where is he, by the way?

I do know that this is what I’m going to be doing on my plane ride in a couple weeks. So don’t even think about chit chatting me up.

SB Tunes: David Byrne

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Oh, swoon. Sexy, nerdy freak boy and frontman for Talking Heads, David Byrne was (and continues to be) a fascinating and intrepid musical explorer. Most recently, he’s collaborated with rockin’ SB, Annie Clark of St. Vincent. He’s like little Jack Horner with his thumbs in more pies than you can count: music, theater, opera, photography, radio, film, architecture, cycling – you name it, he’s figured out a way to come at it in his own left of center, inimitably curious way.

Now THAT, is sexy.

Secret fantasy job: being one of those black mamas singing back up. Oh, would I WORK. THAT. OUT.

The last of my Movember Spectacular Dudes, it’s virtually impossible to pick just one song or video from Byrne’s career. This song, however, lurks like a little bomb in your playlist – sure to blow up any dance floor.

Enjoy.

The American Music Awards

amas

Did you watch? I did and as always, I found it to be completely entertaining, though quite sedate, sartorially speaking. My two take-aways from the night are:

1. Notwithstanding the fact that harem pants (or Hammer pants, if you prefer, which I DO) never really took root for women, they seemed to be working for the men at the AMAs. The Biebs was sporting a skinny boy version, so be prepared – these just may stick.

2. I am strangely obsessed with the fingerless leather gloves Carrie Underwood wore for her performance – especially paired with a gown. I am so feeling these for holiday fests. What a cool way to edge up a look and get a little hand candy going at the same time. Am I crazy? Entirely possible.

Also, Pink needs to join Cirque du Soleil, Jenny McCarthy should not lose her wits and kiss the Biebs on the neck when his mom is sitting right there, Taylor Swift should wear a color for once in her life, everyone needs to cut it out with the pants-less performances (talking to you, Aguilera and Ke$ha), Gwen Stefani still rocks but that illusion netting shirt should be burned and Chris Brown needs to go away. Just away.

Enjoy some more Hammer pants, Gangnam-style:

SB Tunes: Kanye

kanye

Continuing on with my spectacular dudes in honor of Movember, up this week: Kanye West.

I want to hate him, I really do. I want to boycott him forever after the Taylor Swift debacle. I want to mock him for his fly by night love affair with Kardashian. I want to kick him to the curb for those full length fur coats. Scratch that – I love him in a fur.

He makes me feel like a wiry tortured brokeback gay cowboy. Kanye: I wish I knew how to quit you.

But I can’t. He’s just that good. This is one of my favorite songs of all time. If you play this, I will dance. Simple as that. I could be at the dentist, in a museum, in a court of law, at the nunnery . . . when that beat goes, so do I.

And this one goes out to my Chicago readers. My peeps here, tell me I’ve got some peeps there. Holla ladies! Keep an eye out for Chris Martin, who, conversely from Kanye, I have no reason not to like, but still don’t.

Oh, the vagaries of the heart.

SB Tunes: The Boss

brucespringsteen

As you know, we la la love men here at SB headquarters. Anything that reminds our sweet brothers to get themselves checked out and helps our guys stay healthy and strong, is a cause dear to our hearts.

So, in honor of Movember, I’ve decided to throw a little love at the boys for this month’s SB tunes.

To start us out, a manly man. A real man. A man more than a little likely to convince me to hop in and cruise down Thunder Road.

Bruuuuuuce.

SB Tunes: Adele Sings the New Bond Theme

Adele

The theme song for the new Bond movie, Skyfall, is brilliant and Adele is a brilliant choice. It sounds like sex and a fast car and a low cut scuba suit and false eyelashes and a bearskin rug in front of a fire and a dagger in a wall and splintering glass and a smoking gun and a strong martini. Shaken not stirred.

In other words, pure Bond. Pure swoon. Enjoy.

SB Loves: Mindy Kaling

mindydryer

I think Mindy Kaling is darling and more importantly, funny.

I’ve watched the pilot of her new show, The Mindy Project, airing on September 25 and it’s everything she is: girlie, silly, smart, hilarious, authentic. She plays an OBGYN with a messy personal life and let me tell you – it’s not often you’ll find me chuckling at my laptop.

Set your DVRs, sisters.

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Breaking News: Prince Sports a Baby Fro

The internet was aflame today with news of Prince’s new do. Apparently, this SB (who happens to have a penoose) appeared on The View today sporting a baby fro.

Me? I like it, but then again I never met an afro I didn’t like.

What I can’t understand is why on earth he’d go on The View when we haven’t been able to get him to perform in his native Minnesota in eons. I’d say the Purple Yoda needs to reassess his priorities.

Gratuitous Hotness: GQ’s 25 Most Stylish Films of All Time

single-man

For a little hump day eye candy, check out GQ’s slide show of the 25 most stylish films of all time. Colin Firth as the deeply sad and beautiful gay man in A Single Man is just to die for.

We love Colin around here at SB headquarters. In fact, we fully expect to peek out the window this winter and find him standing in the middle of the street with snow flying around him and settling in his hair after he realizes that the only thing keeping us apart are the artificial vagaries of a romantic comedy and that life is too short to spend even one more moment without his vexing yet beloved SB in his arms.

What was I saying? Oh yes, bookmark this list and work your way through this winter. Your netflix will be on fire and I’m thinking your ears will too – the soundtracks for most of these flicks are crazy good. Enjoy.

You’re welcome.

(Peep the video super cut here.)

SB Flicks: Sleepwalk with Me

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In this summer of interminable strands of gloriously sunny days, I find it next to impossible to duck out of life and into a movie theater. I’m beating my tom-tom drum for rain, imploring the heavens for a petite deluge, a day to hide out so I can go see Sleepwalk with Me.

It’s produced by Ira Glass. Need I say more?

OK, I will. I have a giant crush on Ira Glass. Insofar that it’s possible to have a giant crush on a smart, nerdy, radio voice.

I love that he loves stories about people and he serves them up with humor but also heart and respect. You listen to his nuanced and truthful tales enough times, you start to trust him. And crush. Or maybe that’s just me. I do trust that this will be worth it, though.

Rain. Rain. Rain.

Ask the SB: Beds

pricesa_del_guisante

Q: You walk into a guys room. What kind of bed do you want/not want to be seeing? Obviously no toy beds with cartoon bed sheets.

I was thinking of this, over previously thinking of this.

Hope you can enlighten me a little oh spectacular one.

–James

A: Why helloooo, James! I like your optimism. And to tell you the truth, I like both of those beds, but I like your final choice better. They are masculine without being too much so. I picture them in a bedroom where the curtains are being blown around by ocean breezes. Do you live on the ocean, doll? If you don’t, it doesn’t matter.

They are good beds. Beds that say, I am a man, I have decent taste, I picked these out, my mother did not buy them for me at a garage sale in suburban Detroit. Not that there is anything wrong with garage sales, suburban Detroit or mothers, for that matter.

But the bed itself is not everything. You need good sheets of a high thread count. They needn’t be pressed – you are not a hotel, but they do need to be impeccably clean. Light neutral colors are good – and make sure your coverlet or bedspread is also made of natural fibers. Obviously, no stuffed animals, girlie magazines or undies from the last girl stuck between the mattress and the headboard.

But I don’t think I need to worry about you, James.

You’ve got this.

Me. Ow.

SB

Photo credit: Eugenio Recuenco for Vogue

Olympic Shenanigans

olympic_condoms

Readers, you simply MUST read this ESPN Magazine piece about the sexual escapades that go on in the Olympic Village.

It’s no wonder that all these beautiful young people with incredible er, endurance, go completely bananas in the Vegas-like confines of the Village, but I guess I didn’t realize it was such a rager. Apparently the Village is stocked with 150,000 condoms, which is 50,000 more than at the Sydney Olympics where they ran out!

Here’s a snippet from the article:  And no matter your taste, the village has got you covered. The soccer girls? “All hot, and they dress like rock stars,” one male swimmer says. Male gymnasts? “They are like lovable little Ewoks,” Kintner says. Sacramone has a few favorites of her own: “As far as best bodies, it’s swimmers and water polo players, because that’s an insane workout. And the track guys, they’re sneaky-cute. Very serious, but when they lighten up, you’re like, ‘Oh, you’re kind of adorable.’”  

Ewoks! I would steer clear of those, for sure.

Good stuff.

Image credit: Noma Bar via ESPN Magazine

It's a damn shame, JGL. A damn shame.
It's a damn shame, JGL. A damn shame.

Oh, no he didn’t!

Apparently, my (former) secret fantasy boyfriend, Joseph Gordon-Leavitt, was trying to give Emily Blunt a complement at Comic-Con this weekend and ended up saying something inane like “pretty girls aren’t usually funny.”

Maybe it was taken out of context.

Maybe he has a different definition of ‘pretty’ than I do.

Maybe he has a different definition of ‘funny’ than I do.

Maybe he’s just a clueless shit head.

Pity, no?

SB Loves: Naked Olympians

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Did you see the photo spread in the ESPN Body Issue featuring Olympic athletes posing nude? As if we needed any more reason to be all frothy for the upcoming Summer Olympics!

The most successful portraits are the ones that display the athletes’ musculature at work, doing what they do best. Just look at sailor, Anna Tunnicliffe. My word! The strength! And don’t even get me started on muddy soccer defender, Carlos Bocanegra.

Their bodies are, in a word, spectacular.

See for yourself.

Photo credit: Steven Lippman

Gratuitous Hotness: Magic Mike

magic-mike_610

Guilty confession, since we’re getting close and all: As soon as I saw the trailer for Magic Mike, I was more than a little hot to trot to see it with my girls. We don’t like to get TOO highbrow around here, and it looks like campy, sexy fun. What’s more, who am I to pass up a little Matthew McConaughey and Channing Tatum? Or is it Tatum Channing?

Regardless, it has been scientifically proven that it is beneficial for red blooded women to ogle men (and/or women) from time to time. Tru dat.

As if I needed any more justification, however, I found out it was directed by Steven Soderbergh – of Sex, Lies and Videotapes, Traffic, Erin Brockovich, Solaris, Ocean’s Eleven, Contagion etc. Fancy that!

Is it possible that Magic Mike will be sooooo bad, but sooooo good?

Only one way to find out.
 

Naughty Nautical

NaughtyNautical

Every magazine under the sun is doing a piece on summer nauticals right now. Breton shirts, or marinières, are a classic, but seem to be having more than a moment this summer. It’s as if we’re being invaded by the 19th century French Navy.

Back in the day, the heavy cotton striped shirts were worn to more easily spot sailors who had fallen over-board. While we’re no longer in danger of drowning in the sea, we may be in danger of drowning in stripes. Call me peevish, but when a trend gets too trendy, I lose interest. In this case, however, I keep getting sucked back in – the undertow that is a crisp white and navy stripe is simply too much to resist.

The trick with nauticals is not to be too literal. If you don’t want to look like you’re a deckhand on a yacht, don’t wear a boat shoe or a white sneaker. In fact, don’t even pair a Breton shirt with white pants. Take your stripes and edge them up, rough them up and combine them in unexpected ways.

Try these tips to add a little saltiness to your stripes:
Show a little skin. A boatneck Breton shirt provides a lot of coverage. Pair it with shorty short shorts for a sexy laissez-fair summer look.

Shape shift. Think beyond a boatneck shirt. Navy stripes on a backless dress, flirty bloomers, a translucent blouse or a booty mini are fresh ways to bring a little nautical style to your look.

Details, details. Stripes on your nails or the bodice of a cocktail dress provide a subtle nod to your seafaring brethren.

Big contrast. Pair traditional navy stripes with floral prints, a tough leather jacket, a gauzy tulle mini, messy braids or anything else not likely to be worn by a 60 year old woman at a country club.

Befriend shirtless sailors. Being carried around by or otherwise canoodling with seafaring men will enhance any naughty nautical outfit.

Happy Fathers Day!

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Behind every SB, you’ll likely find a good pops – someone who protected you a lot, but just shy of too much.

Happy day to all the daddy-os in our lives.

And thank you.

SB Loves: Kissing Footballers

homophobiasoccerposter

I suppose now I understand why guys enjoy watching girls kiss as they do. This anti-homophobia in soccer campaign by German gay advocacy group, Maneo, hits all the right notes for me. Mmm. I can’t help but wonder if there might not be room for one small SB to slither her way in there.

What? It could happen.

Adrien-Brody

Tell Off the SB: Adrian Brody

Q: I can’t believe you said Adrian Brody has a F’d up face! I think he’s beautiful.
–Tara from Maryland

A: Tara from Maryland! Good to hear from you! Are you eating crabs? ‘Tis the season, no?

Listen, T from the M. Would it make you feel better if I said Adrian Brody looked like un oiseau Français? Because “fucked up face” is just another way of saying “French bird.” Although the latter may be redundant, now that I think about it. Don’t all French people look like birds?

The point is, I too think he’s beautiful, as you say – otherwise I would not have lovingly embedded the video of him emoting casual elegance in Lacoste shirts for you all to enjoy.

He is handsome but not necessarily conventionally so. He is no chiseled all-American looking pretty boy. He’s got a big nose, long angles, and droopy eyes. He looks like he could be a mime or a pickpocket. But taken all together, that fucked up face is a thing to behold and I’d let him pick my pockets anytime.

Glad we agree, dear.
xo,
SB

Oh, Tom. Ewww.

tomcruise-rockofages

I don’t like Tom Cruise on a good day, so imagine my disgust when I stumbled upon this W photo shoot featuring our fave Scientologist playing the big bad rockstar. You’ve GOT to check it out. The cowboy hat and abs alone make me want to stab the magazine. And I LOVE magazines.

He looks preposterous at best – revolting at worst. I know he’s playing an aging rocker named Stacee Jaxx in the upcoming Rock of Ages, but unless this is one giant parody, I’m not buying it at all. And apparently, it’s not a parody. I must admit, however, that the movie looks stupidly fun.

Still, lame. Gross. Not a fan.

kenny-rogers-coward-of-the-county

Ask the SB: White or Yellow Gold for Engagement Ring

Q: Dear Spectacular,
I’m planning on popping the question to my girlfriend. While I have found a ring that I like, I’m not sure whether to go white or yellow gold. Here is the ring. I know that she prefers white mostly, but I think that this ring looks better in yellow. White would be the safer choice, but I’m a bit of a gambler. Thoughts?
–Dan

A: Listen Kenny Rogers, what’s this about finding a ring YOU like? The hubris, Dan! The hubris! You need to find a ring that SHE likes, and for that task, I highly recommend the she.

It’s a fact of nature that it’s extraordinarily difficult for heterosexual men to choose clothes and jewelry for women. Try as they might, they are rarely successful. Based on your ring choice and impending engagement, I’m going to guess you aren’t nearly gay enough to attempt a solo engagement ring pick. The band alone that you have chosen is incredibly bold – she may adore it, or she may hate it.

Go shopping with your lady and let her show you exactly what she likes and then go back and buy her exactly what she likes. Enough with the ‘she likes white but yellow looks better’ business. It’s going to be on her finger for a very long time, so she should have a say – the whole say, if you ask me.

I’m not here to ruin all the fun, doll, really I’m not. The when and how of it all is up to you. Surprise her, take her breath away. I’m confident you will make it lovely and fun and perfect. Mazel tov, Dan! Enjoy this heady time!

Much love,

SB

SB Loves Bob Marley

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I do. His music feels as good as a cold beer, sun on bare shoulders and dancing in the sand. Slow and easy, now.

This documentary, by Kevin MacDonald, to be released later this month looks dynamite. And who doesn’t want to look at that face for an hour and a half.

Stir it up, little darling,
stir it up.

Gratuitous Hotness

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Well, helloooo there, adorable men laughing in tuxes. Hoooooo weeeee. This a-make-a da ladybird sing.

Enjoy Robert Downey Jr., Hugh Jackman and Sting from my fave tumblr, Awesome People Hanging Out Together.

Note to the fellas out there. For what it’s worth, it’s hard to look manly holding a martini glass – although Hugh and Sting are putting in a fine effort. Just saying.

Can Men and Women be Just Friends?

Robert Mapplethorpe and Patti Smith, 1969
Robert Mapplethorpe and Patti Smith, 1969

Of course they can. To say or pretend otherwise, is rubbish. It doesn’t give men enough credit for their ability to care about anything other than the panties. Or to women, for being smart enough, funny enough and cool enough to be more than just another pair of panties.

For obvious reasons (sex sells), we rarely see male female friendships portrayed in the media. This NY Times op-ed piece by William Deresiewicz explains the evolution of friendship and why, as a culture, we have such trouble understanding and narrating non-romantic relationships.

A fascinating read.

Photo credit: Norman Seef

Spectacular Bitches?

sbdudes

Oh, yes. Mos def. Having a penoose does not disqualify.

But what’s the common denominator, aside from the fact that they are all amazing musicians?

Sartorial flair? Check. Fearlessness? Check. Excellent hair? Check. Attitude? Check. Sensuality? Ferocity? Ability to BRING IT? Check! Check! Check!

Clockwise from top left, for your viewing pleasure: Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison, Mick Jagger, David Bowie, Liberace, Prince, Freddie, Mercury.

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Message for the MPD of the District of Columbia

Eeek! George Clooney was arrested outside of the Sudanese Embassy in Washington for protesting Sudan’s blockage of food and aid to its starving citizenry.

Here’s a message for the D.C. Police from the SB:

1. Watch the face!

2. What’s with those cheap plastic cable ties? Would it have killed you to use a proper pair of handcuffs on George?

Photo credit: Win Mcnamee/Getty Images

James Franco to Play Robert Mapplethorpe

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Heads up, people! The adorable, chameleonic James Franco will be playing Robert Mapplethorpe in an upcoming biopic, directed by documentary filmmaker, Ondi Timoner.

I must admit I knew little of Mapplethorpe (outside of the brouhaha), until I read Just Kids, a memoir by Patti Smith, who is, incidentally, a Spectacular Bitch of the Tomboy variety. Mapplethorpe was one tortured dude, with a heart of gold and an insatiable need to create; it was as if his very life depended on it. Should be gooooooood.

And check out this short film by the NYTimes of James Franco kissing himself if you wish to be amused. And maybe a little turned on.

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Ask the SB: A Whole Litany of Things

Editor’s note: A reader named “Johnny” peppered me with a whole series of questions, so I will do my best to answer them in turn – although I can’t for the life of me decide whether Johnny is a boy or a girl. You be the judge.

Q: First date with an SB – would she like to sit at the bar or a table?

A: Personally, I prefer a bar. It’s more casual and intimate for a first date and there is more opportunity for accidental knee touching and shoulder grazing. Plus you’re bound to get  your drinks faster. But I cannot speak for everyone, so I suppose it’s best to ask your SB what she prefers.

Q: What’s a typical SB look for yoga?

A: So Johnny’s got a wandering third eye, eh? I don’t worry about what other people have on at yoga, and neither should you. Stick to something stretchy and flattering enough to wear within the walls of the yoga studio. If you’re a boy, shirtless is fine, just make sure your huevos are securely fastened so you aren’t violating anyone during prasarita padottanasana. Not that I’m looking. Because I’m not.

Q: What’s more spectacular? Boots over or under jeans?

A: This question makes me think you’re a boy, Johnny. Obviously, it depends on the jeans and to a lesser extent, the boots. A wide leg or boot leg jean must go over the boot. A skinny jean must go inside the boot. Both are spectacular and I find the choice is usually driven by nothing more than the vagaries of my mood.

Q: Is SB a good friend? Trustworthy?

A: OK, now that’s a girl question if I ever heard one. You are a complicated one, Johnny! Listen closely, because this is important: OF COURSE SB IS A GOOD FRIEND! Haven’t you noticed that we’re BIG fans of women around here? We like women almost as much as we like men. As far as I’m concerned, the more people out there who are looking and feeling fabulous, the better it is for everyone. Spectacular Bitches don’t muck around with pettiness and jealousies. They don’t have to.

Love,

SB

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Top Ten Demonstrations of Love in History

Take a swill of this lovely article: The Top Ten Demonstrations of Love in History. A little Taj Mahal here, an abdication of the British throne there, a bit of gardening that resulted in the Hanging Gardens of Babylon.

There is nothing like a grand gesture, however, sometimes, a bit of old-fashion peevish stubbornness says ‘I love you’ the best.

Lucille Ball apparently refused to do the I Love Lucy pilot unless they cast her real life husband, Desi Arnaz. The network wasn’t sure America was ready for his thick Latin accent, but it turns out Lucy knew best and the beloved show ran for nearly a decade.

Lesson: always listen to the funny lady.

I LOVE LUCY.

Photo credit: Bettman/Corbis