SB’s Faves: The 2012 OSCARS!

Photo credit: Getty Images [Clockwise from upper left: Milla Jovovich, Gwyneth Paltrow, Octavia Spencer, Cameron Diaz]

I found the Oscars to be quite satisfying last night. Billy Crystal was back in the driver’s seat, The Artist won best picture, and for the most part, the ladies looked gorgeous.

Also, there was enough illusion netting on the red carpet to outfit a Lepidopterist convention. Everyone from Bérénice Bejo, Giuliana Rancic, and the young Amara Miller were partaking, and I rather enjoy the feeling of ire it stirs up in me. I love to hate mesh. I even hate it on figure skaters, although I can accept that it’s a necessity. I don’t understand why someone not wearing ice skates would attempt a tromp d’oeille that could only conceivably be successful if viewed from really far away or with cross-eyes. If I was standing next to one of these starlets, I would feel compelled to fondle the mesh, and nobody wants that. But I do enjoy bitching about it from the vantage point of my couch.

Anyhoo, I thought the ladies above all looked stellar in their variations on white and I couldn’t pick just one. Milla Jovovich appeared early in the night in a sparkly, one-shouldered Elie Saab. The bob, the red lip and the glammy dress all conspired to make her look like like an oldy-times starlet.

Octavia Spencer looked so beautiful in her twinkly Tadashi Shoji – apparently her go-to designer, and for good reason. The dress hugged her curves in all the right places – hoooowie! The beading coming together in the middle and the slight drape was so flattering on her. Congratulations Octavia, for winning an Oscar and looking incredible while doing so!

The fit of both Gwyneth and Cameron’s gowns was exquisite. Cameron’s was a nude, strapless Gucci with a swishy and subtly sparkly bottom that looked like a dream in motion. Is it me or is Cam looking freakishly buff right now?

Gwyneth set off a frenzy in a simple, one-shouldered Tom Ford with an outrageously chic floor-length cape. I’ll come right out now and profess my love and support for the cape because the cape has had its detractors. It was sleek, linear, modern and elegant – as cool as an icicle. And she took it off inside, which was the right call – unlike her lame little skit with Robert Downey Jr. Nothing like tumble weeding at the Oscars, but at least she looked killer.

Photo credit: Getty Images [L to R: Jessica Chastain, Rose Byrne, Angelina Jolie]

As for the black swans of the night, these three shut it down. Jessica Chastain’s Alexander McQueen grew on me like a fungus. At first I thought it was too heavy and clunky, but the more I looked at it on her, the more I fell for it. It’s a rather muscular gown and she’s so lithe and pretty -together, it worked like magic.

Rose Byrne, on the other hand, I loved from the get go. This Vivienne Westwood is a cool, punk, oil slick revealing ever so slight a hint of side boob. I loved it with the heavy bang – rock on, righteous Rose!

And even though I loved Angelina’s Atelier Versace and thought the velvety folds and the volume helped dissimulate how thin she is right now, I’m really including her because of that hilarious leg. That leg wanted out. That leg wanted its own swag bag. That leg wanted its own Wolfgang Puck chicken pot pie with shaved black truffles. That leg wanted an Oscar.

Photo credit: Getty Images [L to R: Michelle Williams, Emma Stone]

And finally, at the risk of making this website look like a White Stripes album, I cannot forget the ladies in red. They were my favorites. Michelle Williams looked fresh and young in a coral Louis Vuitton, with a peplum waist and delicate mille feuille layers. I won’t even mention that I hated the creepy beige back of it, because I’m pretending that the back doesn’t exist. To me she’s like Lateral Alice Moore from Infinite Jest and she only moves sideways. Like a crab.

Let’s take a moment and just adore Emma Stone’s Giambattista Valli Couture together. Some might say red on a redhead is a risky proposition, but I think she looked divine. Some might also say big volume and big color don’t play well together, but this was a modern, fantastical, fashion-forward dress and Stone is tall enough and frankly, spectacular enough, to pull it off. The gown would have eaten a more diminutive starlet alive, but she just looked happy and comfortable, which, let’s be honest, is what real beauty is all about.